Tag: life or something like it

May 09 2012

Happy Seizureversary (and other news)

A year ago today I had a seizure while at work…by this time in the day, I was in the hospital (for what would be an overnight visit).  So how are things a year later?  Well I haven’t had any further events…so that’s a good thing.  I survived not being able to drive for five months living in LA.  Health wise…everything seems to be pretty stable.

Lately the biggest change has been my move back to Portland.  I’ve for the most part settled in to my new apartment.  I’m still looking for a job (I did have one temporary assignment stuffing envelopes for 2.5 days).  I’m starting to get a little bored without a job to go to.  But for the moment I’m still pretty confident that something will turn up soon.  All in all, its nice being back in the NW.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2012/05/happy-seizureversary-and-other-news/

Jan 16 2012

Steinbeck on Falling in Love

Something for all of us to remember…whether we’ve already found love or are still waiting for it to find us.

Originally posted at Brain Pickings:

“If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”

Nobel laureate John Steinbeck (1902-1968) might be best-known as the author of East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, but he was also a prolific letter-writer. Steinbeck: A Life in Letters constructs an alternative biography of the iconic author through some 850 of his most thoughtful, witty, honest, opinionated, vulnerable, and revealing letters to family, friends, his editor, and a circle of equally well-known and influential public figures.

Among his correspondence is this beautiful response to his eldest son Thom’s 1958 letter, in which the teenage boy confesses to have fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan while at boarding school. Steinbeck’s words of wisdom — tender, optimistic, timeless, infinitely sagacious — should be etched onto the heart and mind of every living, breathing human being.

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

via Letters of Note

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2012/01/steinbeck-on-falling-in-love/

Jan 13 2012

twenty eleven

Its beginnings were still in a bit of emotional turmoil.  The middle was filled the fallout from a medical event.  As it came to an end, most things had settled down to a pretty stable routine.

I think the best way I can sum up 2011 is it was a year of either looking back at 2010 or looking forward towards 2012.

That said some highlights from 2011:
●  An externship at the Hollywood Farmer’s Kitchen doing food preservation.
●  Roasting my own coffee (and getting a mention in the LA Times because of it).
●  Traveling to Portland Timbers matches in Portland, San Jose, Vancouver & and going to both matches in LA.
●  Reading more books than 2010.
●  Beer Belly (a craft beer bar — not my actual beer belly) and the great folks I’ve met there.

I am definitely looking forward to this year…there are big changes in store and I’m excited for them to come to fruition.   But those are for a future post.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2012/01/twenty-eleven/

Oct 10 2011

NYC for Mike’s wedding

In early September, Alicia and I flew to NYC for my friend Mike’s wedding.  It was Alicia’s first trip to NYC (and my second).  We caught a red-eye flight from LAX to Newark (through Cincinnati), and arrived to NYC Friday morning.  Because we had flew into Newark, we had to take the train into the city from the Newark airport.  So our first experience with NYC was emerging from Penn Station.  We had to pick up the keys to the apt we were staying at in Brooklyn, which was a short walk to 5th Ave.  Along the way, we walked through Koreatown.  We had left one Koreatown for another (though NYC’s K-town is a much smaller deal than LA as its only one block).

Koreatown NYCAfter picking up the keys, we got some lunch and then headed to Brooklyn to drop off our stuff and get ready to head out for the wedding.  We were able to walk over to Mike’s apt from where we were staying and then go with the larger group heading over to the wedding site.  As for the wedding itself, it was probably one of the best weddings that I’ve attended.  It was low-key, but not overtly.  They had friends that had provided homebrewed beer as part of the beverages and it was catered by a pizza truck (I don’t remember if it was wood-fired…but it was definitely artisan pizza).  Mike and Jessica had written their own vows (Mike’s referencing his obsessive fandom of the Oregon Ducks and other sports).  A real good time.  We did end up bowing out around 11pm (ET)…since we had very little sleep since the day before (and what sleep we had was airplane sleep).

Mike & JessicaSaturday, one of Alicia’s college friends came up to the city from Rutgers.  We met up with her at Central Park and walked around there for a while and then I left to meet up with Mike at the NYC Duck’s bar to watch the football game (see the vows reference above).  One cool thing that happened on Saturday, is that while Alicia and her friend were checking out the Highline Park, they ran into a La Newyorkina cart.  We had just received her Paletas cookbook from the KCRW cookbook club a week or two before the trip.  (Alicia and I went back the next day, because I wanted to try one as well).  After the Duck game was over, I met back up with them and we ended up heading down to the tip of Manhattan.  We walked by Ground Zero, where they were going to have the big grand opening of the 9/11 Memorial the next day, and then walked down to see if we could catch the Staten Island Ferry.  When we got to the terminal, we had just missed a ferry and didn’t feel like waiting for the next one.  Because it was the 10th Anniversary of 9/11 the next day, they had set up white flags for the persons killed in the attacks in Battery Park.  Each flag had each persons name on it.  It was a pretty impressive display (it takes a lot of park space to put up that many flags).

9/11 FlagsIt was a quick trip (we had to head back Sunday), but we both had fun.  Alicia wants to move there (I think its a nice place to visit…but I wouldn’t want to live there).

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/10/nyc-mikeswedding/

Aug 09 2011

4 years

4 years ago today…I arrived in LA.

Purely coincidentally, I happen to be on a train returning to LA from a long weekend vacation in the Bay Area.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/08/4-years/

Jul 26 2011

Summertime…

Well summer is in full force in Los Angeles.  So far it hasn’t been too hot…at least for too long (there have been a few days).  After last year’s relatively mild summer, I’ve been expecting a super warm summer.

I have nonetheless still been in a bit of a funk lately.  LA is a big place, but I feel quite alone here (while at the same time feeling like I’m never alone).  My friends here don’t live within an easy walk/bike/bus/train ride.  I can’t drive (at least for a few more weeks).  One of my friends is moving away (back to the NW…which makes me a little jealous).  One is going to be gone most of Aug…and then Sep and Oct as well.

It hasn’t been all bad though.  A couple months ago a new craft beer bar opened up a few blocks from the apartment.  Beer Belly.  I’ve enjoyed getting to know the owners and staff there…perhaps a little too much last month. 😉

I started a Food Preservation Externship a few weeks ago at the Hollywood Farmer’s Kitchen.  So far we’ve done three different types of jam (1975 Strawberry – a varietal that is supposed to taste like strawberries did before they became an industrialized product, Peach, & Plum Ginger), Pickled Leeks, & Dehydrated Leeks (to later grind into leek powder).  I’ll have a little break for the next couple weeks due to an event next week and my trip to San Fran (more on that later) the week after that.  By that time, we should be in full force of tomato season and canning sauces and making ketchups.  I’m excited to be able to gain some knowledge and practice in food preservation (something I wish I would have learned more of from my grandpa when I was living his house).

I’ve got a couple of small vacations coming up.  I’m going up to the Bay Area for a long weekend in early August.  I’m taking the train up there instead of flying.  Its more relaxing and I don’t have to worry about bringing anything back I can’t get through airport security.  I’m going to the Timber’s match against the San Jose Earthquakes.  Other than that, I plan on just walking around San Fran (and Berkeley) a whole bunch.

I also have a trip to NYC coming up in early September for my friend Mike’s wedding.  It’ll be my second trip to NYC and it’ll be a short trip, but I’m looking forward to seeing a little more of NYC as well.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/07/summertime/

Jun 25 2011

PDX Revisited

Last weekend was my first trip back to Portland since the craziness of last November.  It was a quick weekend trip, mainly to go to the Portland Timbers vs. NY Red Bulls match Sunday evening (with my friends Elizabeth and Austin).  There was however the potential for sad memories, so I was a little anxious heading up to the trip.  I didn’t really expect to run into her per say, just memories of her.

Its weird to think back to six months ago now though.  Up until my post earlier this month, I hadn’t heard anything from her since she started cutting off all contact with me (and I asked her to just go ahead and stop talking to me at all).  After that post, she sent me a short email basically saying she was glad I was doing well, and wishing me well from my medical event.  I responded with an equally short email thanking her and wishing her well as well.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about that exchange though.  On one hand, I’m glad she still thinks about me and takes the time to read this blog.  On the other, I’m a little sad that its only a one way thing.  While our brief relationship burned quickly together (and then quickly out), there was a connection (at least for me) that went beyond just physical attraction.  Something that resided deeper inside.  Even if I never end up seeing her or speaking to her again, I don’t expect that to go away.

That’s not to say I won’t find anything like that again.  Well “like that” isn’t the right thing to say.  I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen (I also don’t believe you can “find that”).  Plus I think each love is by nature different.  I am quite happy with where Alicia and I are.  We have our own deep connection that draws us to each other.  It’s different, but not in a better or worse way…just different.  Alicia does make me happy (at least most of the time) and that is what’s important.

The trip was good though.  Alicia came along with me, and had a good time (despite accidentally leaving her regular glasses in the car at the airport..leaving her with just her sunglasses…not much help on a rainy Saturday in Portland…or at night).  We hung out with my old housemate George after arriving Friday night.  On Saturday, we hung out with her best friend, who drove up from Corvallis, and later had dinner with my parents.  Sunday had brunch (on the breakfast side of timing) with each other, then pretty much had our own things going on the rest of the day.  Alicia met up with a couple more friends and I spent the afternoon and evening watching soccer with my friends.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/06/pdx-revisited/

Jun 04 2011

has it already been almost half a year?

Outside of a few posts about bread (and even those have dropped off) and the normal list of books for the year, I haven’t been writing much here this year.  Well to be honest, I haven’t been writing much anywhere this year.  I’ve been full of a lot of ideas but not a whole lot of action…or at least not sustained action.

So what’s been going on this year?  Well, Alicia and I are dating again and as of May we’re living together, so that’s one big change.  Alicia’s best friend (and her boyfriend) came down over Easter weekend to visit (and see this show).  We went up to visit my sister in Berkeley (and I finally got to meet her boyfriend after two years of Christmas travel headaches) at the end of April.  I’ve been continuing progress towards building my moving fund (current progress is in the sidebar).  I’m still pretty much on track for my book goal for the year (greater than or equal to last years 80 books).

There has been some surprises though as well.  The biggest so far came on the morning of May 9th.  I went to work like any other day even though I was feeling a little off.  I continued to feel a little off and even told Alicia that my right arm was feeling a little twitchy.  The next thing I remember, I woke up in the hospital to see my sister’s boyfriend (who lives in Berkeley, but happened to be on So. Cal. that day).  I had a seizure and had been taken to the hospital via ambulance.  I was kept overnight for observation and released the next day with a prescription and instructions for follow up appointments with my regular doctor.  So far, the medications are working without any noticeable side effects and my tests are coming back normal.  So it seems to be one of those fluke things that just happened.  Something the doctors won’t be able to fully explain.

Before releasing me, the doctor’s at the hospital advised me that I shouldn’t drive and that they were required to notify the DMV.  The letter of re-examination from the DMV came a few days later.  For that, I would need to have a form filled out by my doctor by June 4th or my license would be suspended on June 5th.  This being LA, most people I tell this story to think this is the worst part.  But for me, its just a minor inconvenience.  I was already commuting to work via the subway and vanpool.  My work provided bus pass allows me to get around other places, and I can always let Alicia drive my car for the trips public transit doesn’t work as well for.  The specialist I saw told me as long as there are no more seizures in the next three months, he’ll fill out and sign the form.  A much nicer time frame than the six months to a year the hospital doctors told me.

I think that brings things pretty up to date.  The summer is starting to fill up though…going to see the Timbers play ChivasUSA at the Home Depot Center tonight.  Next weekend, we’re going to spend a night at a bed and breakfast in the San Jacinto Mountains.  The weekend after, we’re going to Portland (where I’ll be going to watch the Timbers vs. NY Red Bulls match with Elizabeth and Austin as part of the Timbers Army!).  In July, we’re going to Temecula to see the Avett Brothers perform.  The “big” trip this summer is in early September though.  We’re going to Brooklyn for my buddy Mike’s wedding!

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/06/has-it-already-been-almost-half-a-year/

Dec 17 2010

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

 

(and yes…I actually own this album on vinyl from back when I was a kid)

The priest at my church has been telling us about how he hasn’t been able to get into the Advent spirit this year (for those not up on churchspeak…Advent is the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas that marks the beginning of the church calendar).  I’ve been right there with a similar sentiment this year.

My holiday plans of course were thrown upside down with the breakup right before Thanksgiving.  I ended up at my parents house for Thanksgiving instead of my original plans to spend the long weekend in Portland.  Because of that unexpected trip though, I’ve decided not to go home to Oregon for Christmas.  This will be the first year since I moved down to LA that I won’t be going home for Christmas (though it was also the first year I was home for Thanksgiving).

As for my plans for Christmas now…I’ve got an invite to go over to play video games and hang out in the afternoon on Christmas day from one of my friends.  Other than that, my Christmas and New Year’s plans are open.  I did cancel my vacation request for the week between Christmas and New Year’s though.  Figured I’d save those hours for an actual vacation sometime later. 

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2010/12/we-wish-you-a-merry-christmas/

Nov 26 2010

Up in the Air

It’s been a crazy few months.  I saw the end of a long relationship.  The beginning of something new that was intense and amazing.  But also incredibly difficult for various reasons…including just under 1000 miles between the two of us.  I began making plans for my Escape from LA, but the desire to see more and more of Jeanne, was making my savings goals difficult.  I know I overdid things financially in October…and even then spent more than I would have liked in Nov.  I knew I needed to refocus and come up with a better plan in order to keep on schedule to move to Portland (See post linked above).

Reading between the lines, I’m sure you can guess that something has happened with that relationship though.  Its all still a little too fresh to write well about.  But instead of talking about marriage we’re now talking about how/if we can still be friends.

So here I am, unexpectedly at my parents house for Thanksgiving.  I feel out of sorts.  I don’t know where my life is going, as the path I was on a week ago seems like its ending.  I do know I’ve got a lot of doubt about things though.  I feel a little disconnected.  Can I still plan on moving to Portland, when its not to continue the process of building a life with her?  What does it mean for me in LA?  Certain things were much easier with the promise of her. 

I decided I’m going to seek out some therapy when I get home from this trip.  I think having someone non-partial to talk to about the stuff swirling around in my head well be good.  I don’t want things to spiral deeper into depression and let that cause issues with other parts of my life.  Its already affected my eating habits (I haven’t had much of an appetite for awhile…and its only been worse this past week).

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2010/11/up-in-the-air/