Tag: happiness

Hector and the Secrets of Love

Back in January, I read a book Hector and the Search for Happiness.  Not long after, I saw the film Blue Valentine (Trailer).  I had grand plans to write about both the book and film at the time.  Certain events were a little too fresh in my head at the time, time passed, and I never wrote about the book or the film.

Hector and the Search for Happiness is part of a now series of books by the French author François Lelord.  Lelord is psychiatrist who did post doctorate work at UCLA and now lives in SE Asia.  In the book, Hector is a psychiatrist who is burnt out and decides to go on a global journey to discover secrets of happiness.  But that’s all I’m going to say about that book for now.

The translation of the second book in the series, Hector and the Secrets of Love came out at the end of May.  The book begins not long after the first one ended.  Hector is happy with his work, his relationships, his love.  He’s even considering getting married.  Then his girlfriend’s boss invites him (and a few other leading psychiatrists) to a resort to ask them about love.  For Hector, there is another task…his girlfriend’s boss wants him to find a friend and colleague that has disappeared while researching love for the pharmaceutical company Hector’s girlfriend works for.

This journey is going to be a lot more complicated than Hector’s first journey, because love, as Hector often says, is complicated.

In the spirit of the first book, over the course of the book, Hector makes numerous observations about Love.  These “seedlings” are the building blocks to the five components of love (and their corresponding five components of heartache).  Below the cut, I’ve put each of the 27 seedlings of love (at least until someone tells me I have to take it down).  I don’t really think I disagree with any of these observations.  As for the components of love and heartache…for that you’ll have to read the book yourself.

Love being such a complicated thing, this book often made me sad while reading it.  But I suppose a journey to discover the secrets of love is also more prone to heartache than a journey to find the secrets of happiness.

So how is my own journey to discover the secrets of love? Well that’s its own journey…one I’m still on…I’ve been in love and lost love…and I’m still discovering how to love (both myself and someone else)…so instead of answering that question in this public space, I’ll leave you with the words of Hector at the end of his journey:

“Love is indeed complicated, difficult, sometimes painful,
but it is also the only time that our dream becomes reality…”

 

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An Open Letter to Barack Obama, from Alice Walker

Reposted from the owls & the angels:

Nov. 5, 2008

Dear Brother Obama,

You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done. We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people’s enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, “hate the sin, but love the sinner.” There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people’s spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to “work with the enemy” internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

In Peace and Joy,
Alice Walker

 

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