Category: life or something like it

Jul 26 2011

Summertime…

Well summer is in full force in Los Angeles.  So far it hasn’t been too hot…at least for too long (there have been a few days).  After last year’s relatively mild summer, I’ve been expecting a super warm summer.

I have nonetheless still been in a bit of a funk lately.  LA is a big place, but I feel quite alone here (while at the same time feeling like I’m never alone).  My friends here don’t live within an easy walk/bike/bus/train ride.  I can’t drive (at least for a few more weeks).  One of my friends is moving away (back to the NW…which makes me a little jealous).  One is going to be gone most of Aug…and then Sep and Oct as well.

It hasn’t been all bad though.  A couple months ago a new craft beer bar opened up a few blocks from the apartment.  Beer Belly.  I’ve enjoyed getting to know the owners and staff there…perhaps a little too much last month. 😉

I started a Food Preservation Externship a few weeks ago at the Hollywood Farmer’s Kitchen.  So far we’ve done three different types of jam (1975 Strawberry – a varietal that is supposed to taste like strawberries did before they became an industrialized product, Peach, & Plum Ginger), Pickled Leeks, & Dehydrated Leeks (to later grind into leek powder).  I’ll have a little break for the next couple weeks due to an event next week and my trip to San Fran (more on that later) the week after that.  By that time, we should be in full force of tomato season and canning sauces and making ketchups.  I’m excited to be able to gain some knowledge and practice in food preservation (something I wish I would have learned more of from my grandpa when I was living his house).

I’ve got a couple of small vacations coming up.  I’m going up to the Bay Area for a long weekend in early August.  I’m taking the train up there instead of flying.  Its more relaxing and I don’t have to worry about bringing anything back I can’t get through airport security.  I’m going to the Timber’s match against the San Jose Earthquakes.  Other than that, I plan on just walking around San Fran (and Berkeley) a whole bunch.

I also have a trip to NYC coming up in early September for my friend Mike’s wedding.  It’ll be my second trip to NYC and it’ll be a short trip, but I’m looking forward to seeing a little more of NYC as well.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/07/summertime/

Jun 25 2011

PDX Revisited

Last weekend was my first trip back to Portland since the craziness of last November.  It was a quick weekend trip, mainly to go to the Portland Timbers vs. NY Red Bulls match Sunday evening (with my friends Elizabeth and Austin).  There was however the potential for sad memories, so I was a little anxious heading up to the trip.  I didn’t really expect to run into her per say, just memories of her.

Its weird to think back to six months ago now though.  Up until my post earlier this month, I hadn’t heard anything from her since she started cutting off all contact with me (and I asked her to just go ahead and stop talking to me at all).  After that post, she sent me a short email basically saying she was glad I was doing well, and wishing me well from my medical event.  I responded with an equally short email thanking her and wishing her well as well.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about that exchange though.  On one hand, I’m glad she still thinks about me and takes the time to read this blog.  On the other, I’m a little sad that its only a one way thing.  While our brief relationship burned quickly together (and then quickly out), there was a connection (at least for me) that went beyond just physical attraction.  Something that resided deeper inside.  Even if I never end up seeing her or speaking to her again, I don’t expect that to go away.

That’s not to say I won’t find anything like that again.  Well “like that” isn’t the right thing to say.  I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen (I also don’t believe you can “find that”).  Plus I think each love is by nature different.  I am quite happy with where Alicia and I are.  We have our own deep connection that draws us to each other.  It’s different, but not in a better or worse way…just different.  Alicia does make me happy (at least most of the time) and that is what’s important.

The trip was good though.  Alicia came along with me, and had a good time (despite accidentally leaving her regular glasses in the car at the airport..leaving her with just her sunglasses…not much help on a rainy Saturday in Portland…or at night).  We hung out with my old housemate George after arriving Friday night.  On Saturday, we hung out with her best friend, who drove up from Corvallis, and later had dinner with my parents.  Sunday had brunch (on the breakfast side of timing) with each other, then pretty much had our own things going on the rest of the day.  Alicia met up with a couple more friends and I spent the afternoon and evening watching soccer with my friends.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/06/pdx-revisited/

Jun 13 2011

Hector and the Secrets of Love

Back in January, I read a book Hector and the Search for Happiness.  Not long after, I saw the film Blue Valentine (Trailer).  I had grand plans to write about both the book and film at the time.  Certain events were a little too fresh in my head at the time, time passed, and I never wrote about the book or the film.

Hector and the Search for Happiness is part of a now series of books by the French author François Lelord.  Lelord is psychiatrist who did post doctorate work at UCLA and now lives in SE Asia.  In the book, Hector is a psychiatrist who is burnt out and decides to go on a global journey to discover secrets of happiness.  But that’s all I’m going to say about that book for now.

The translation of the second book in the series, Hector and the Secrets of Love came out at the end of May.  The book begins not long after the first one ended.  Hector is happy with his work, his relationships, his love.  He’s even considering getting married.  Then his girlfriend’s boss invites him (and a few other leading psychiatrists) to a resort to ask them about love.  For Hector, there is another task…his girlfriend’s boss wants him to find a friend and colleague that has disappeared while researching love for the pharmaceutical company Hector’s girlfriend works for.

This journey is going to be a lot more complicated than Hector’s first journey, because love, as Hector often says, is complicated.

In the spirit of the first book, over the course of the book, Hector makes numerous observations about Love.  These “seedlings” are the building blocks to the five components of love (and their corresponding five components of heartache).  Below the cut, I’ve put each of the 27 seedlings of love (at least until someone tells me I have to take it down).  I don’t really think I disagree with any of these observations.  As for the components of love and heartache…for that you’ll have to read the book yourself.

Love being such a complicated thing, this book often made me sad while reading it.  But I suppose a journey to discover the secrets of love is also more prone to heartache than a journey to find the secrets of happiness.

So how is my own journey to discover the secrets of love? Well that’s its own journey…one I’m still on…I’ve been in love and lost love…and I’m still discovering how to love (both myself and someone else)…so instead of answering that question in this public space, I’ll leave you with the words of Hector at the end of his journey:

“Love is indeed complicated, difficult, sometimes painful,
but it is also the only time that our dream becomes reality…”

 

Continue reading

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/06/hector-and-the-secrets-of-love/

Jun 04 2011

has it already been almost half a year?

Outside of a few posts about bread (and even those have dropped off) and the normal list of books for the year, I haven’t been writing much here this year.  Well to be honest, I haven’t been writing much anywhere this year.  I’ve been full of a lot of ideas but not a whole lot of action…or at least not sustained action.

So what’s been going on this year?  Well, Alicia and I are dating again and as of May we’re living together, so that’s one big change.  Alicia’s best friend (and her boyfriend) came down over Easter weekend to visit (and see this show).  We went up to visit my sister in Berkeley (and I finally got to meet her boyfriend after two years of Christmas travel headaches) at the end of April.  I’ve been continuing progress towards building my moving fund (current progress is in the sidebar).  I’m still pretty much on track for my book goal for the year (greater than or equal to last years 80 books).

There has been some surprises though as well.  The biggest so far came on the morning of May 9th.  I went to work like any other day even though I was feeling a little off.  I continued to feel a little off and even told Alicia that my right arm was feeling a little twitchy.  The next thing I remember, I woke up in the hospital to see my sister’s boyfriend (who lives in Berkeley, but happened to be on So. Cal. that day).  I had a seizure and had been taken to the hospital via ambulance.  I was kept overnight for observation and released the next day with a prescription and instructions for follow up appointments with my regular doctor.  So far, the medications are working without any noticeable side effects and my tests are coming back normal.  So it seems to be one of those fluke things that just happened.  Something the doctors won’t be able to fully explain.

Before releasing me, the doctor’s at the hospital advised me that I shouldn’t drive and that they were required to notify the DMV.  The letter of re-examination from the DMV came a few days later.  For that, I would need to have a form filled out by my doctor by June 4th or my license would be suspended on June 5th.  This being LA, most people I tell this story to think this is the worst part.  But for me, its just a minor inconvenience.  I was already commuting to work via the subway and vanpool.  My work provided bus pass allows me to get around other places, and I can always let Alicia drive my car for the trips public transit doesn’t work as well for.  The specialist I saw told me as long as there are no more seizures in the next three months, he’ll fill out and sign the form.  A much nicer time frame than the six months to a year the hospital doctors told me.

I think that brings things pretty up to date.  The summer is starting to fill up though…going to see the Timbers play ChivasUSA at the Home Depot Center tonight.  Next weekend, we’re going to spend a night at a bed and breakfast in the San Jacinto Mountains.  The weekend after, we’re going to Portland (where I’ll be going to watch the Timbers vs. NY Red Bulls match with Elizabeth and Austin as part of the Timbers Army!).  In July, we’re going to Temecula to see the Avett Brothers perform.  The “big” trip this summer is in early September though.  We’re going to Brooklyn for my buddy Mike’s wedding!

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/06/has-it-already-been-almost-half-a-year/

Apr 05 2011

lovin’ you…

reposted from rocro

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/04/lovin-you/

Mar 01 2011

White Blank Page

tell me now…

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2011/03/white-blank-page/

Dec 17 2010

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

 

(and yes…I actually own this album on vinyl from back when I was a kid)

The priest at my church has been telling us about how he hasn’t been able to get into the Advent spirit this year (for those not up on churchspeak…Advent is the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas that marks the beginning of the church calendar).  I’ve been right there with a similar sentiment this year.

My holiday plans of course were thrown upside down with the breakup right before Thanksgiving.  I ended up at my parents house for Thanksgiving instead of my original plans to spend the long weekend in Portland.  Because of that unexpected trip though, I’ve decided not to go home to Oregon for Christmas.  This will be the first year since I moved down to LA that I won’t be going home for Christmas (though it was also the first year I was home for Thanksgiving).

As for my plans for Christmas now…I’ve got an invite to go over to play video games and hang out in the afternoon on Christmas day from one of my friends.  Other than that, my Christmas and New Year’s plans are open.  I did cancel my vacation request for the week between Christmas and New Year’s though.  Figured I’d save those hours for an actual vacation sometime later. 

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2010/12/we-wish-you-a-merry-christmas/

Dec 08 2010

dark night soul

 

I feel somewhat cruddy at the moment.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, right before Thanksgiving, the relationship I was in ended.  It came as somewhat of a surprise.  That there were some issues wasn’t, but that it was time to walk away from the relationship was a surprise.  While the relationship was still fairly young time wise, it was pretty intense emotionally.  But still there was a distance between us, that we weren’t able to overcome.  Being that J lives in Portland and I’m still in LA, there is the obvious physical distance.  Not so obvious, was little rifts that opened up as we navigated our feelings and the intensity of the relationship.

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Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2010/12/dark-night-soul/

Nov 26 2010

Up in the Air

It’s been a crazy few months.  I saw the end of a long relationship.  The beginning of something new that was intense and amazing.  But also incredibly difficult for various reasons…including just under 1000 miles between the two of us.  I began making plans for my Escape from LA, but the desire to see more and more of Jeanne, was making my savings goals difficult.  I know I overdid things financially in October…and even then spent more than I would have liked in Nov.  I knew I needed to refocus and come up with a better plan in order to keep on schedule to move to Portland (See post linked above).

Reading between the lines, I’m sure you can guess that something has happened with that relationship though.  Its all still a little too fresh to write well about.  But instead of talking about marriage we’re now talking about how/if we can still be friends.

So here I am, unexpectedly at my parents house for Thanksgiving.  I feel out of sorts.  I don’t know where my life is going, as the path I was on a week ago seems like its ending.  I do know I’ve got a lot of doubt about things though.  I feel a little disconnected.  Can I still plan on moving to Portland, when its not to continue the process of building a life with her?  What does it mean for me in LA?  Certain things were much easier with the promise of her. 

I decided I’m going to seek out some therapy when I get home from this trip.  I think having someone non-partial to talk to about the stuff swirling around in my head well be good.  I don’t want things to spiral deeper into depression and let that cause issues with other parts of my life.  Its already affected my eating habits (I haven’t had much of an appetite for awhile…and its only been worse this past week).

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2010/11/up-in-the-air/

Nov 23 2010

I L U

School of Seven Bells – I L U – Official Video from Vagrant Records on Vimeo.

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